blog.chriswelch.com

I was watching these movies I just got from Amazon, called "Before Sunrise" and "Before Sunset". Both movies, set 9 years apart, center around two people who meet one day on a train in Europe. The young man, played by Ethan Hawke, is a young American torn from a recent relationship and travels the continent on his Eurail pass. Julie Delphy plays the young French woman who meets Hawke on the train. They share a romantic 24 hours having thought provoking conversation and falling in love behind a Viennesse backdrop.

They meet again, 9 years later, in a Parisian bookshop. Hawke, now a writer, finally sees Delphy again after a failed encounter in Vienna 6 months after their magical evening nearly a decade ago. Although both now in relationships, neither had been able to let go of the past, both acknowledging the deep and lasting impact each other had made on their lives, even from only one night.

Hawke confesses to Delphy that his life had not turned out as he had planned, and that although he was no longer in love with his wife, he didn’t want to live tied to a responsibility and commitment that didn’t bring either him or his wife any joy from. He explained that much of his life was spent seeking his "ideal self", if not his "honest self"

Although there are many parts of these movies that are highly romanticized, I cannot help but be moved by them. The feeling that life is so immediate and pressing, and that magic can happen at any moment. However, even a life where magic is welcomed can lead to disappointment and years of regret over a forgotten last name or phone number.

It’s troubling to think that even a life full of dreams and drama, that romantic notion of a life "fully lived" can even yet be unsatisfying.

When I went to visit my friend Matt for his 23rd birthday this past weekend, we talked about contentment and that in life there are many things that we long to experience. However, as there are only a finite things in life we are able to do, we must be able to be content doing the things which truly make us content, and resign ourselves to our imaginations for the rest, because we all know that the grass is not always greener. In fact, we should be so lucky that the grass is even as green, so it would be best to leave it in our minds where at least it can always be a good thought.

My dilemma is what must we do that will make us the content? The quest to be my ideal self, if not my honest self sounds vaugely of my own life. How does one search for their honest self? — the search for what satisfys our desires and makes us content mentally, if not materially. I want deeply to be a good husband, father, and provider, and although I want to be wealthy, I have no desire to be wealthy regardless of these things. I also want to live deeply and richly, and doing things that matter to others as well as myself. But to what degree should I sacrifice what I’ve worked for today, for what I may truly be happier with? I believe the right answer is everything that can be replaced is worth sacrificing, but is it the wisest? Why squander something without giving it time to pay back the investment?

In my mind, and I know this is problematic, I cannot escape that Return on Investment, or ROI, formula:

TOTAL BENEFIT – TOTAL COST = RETURN ON INVESTMENT

Sometimes in life we must take the big risks to be the most successful, and in life as with my money I seem to be drawn towards the slow and steady approach than the gung-ho approach. Maybe wise, but more fulfilling in the end? I don’t know.

What an amazing spring day! This afternoon after I cleaned my car, I took a drive up to Eagle Rock Reservation. Eagle Rock is one of the highest points in the the New York metro area, and provides one of the most commanding and overwhelming views I’ve ever seen.

From the top of the park, there was a 9/11 memorial, and a scenic overlook from which you could see miles and miles around. Manhattan, Brooklyn, Jersey City, and Newark were all recognizable. The park was quiet and sunny, and a warm breeze was blowing. I stood there in awe for minutes just staring at the breathtaking skyline.

Afterwards, I enjoyed the rest of the day patronizing some of the shops in Montclair, including a great little gag store called Copabanana, where I picked up a dashboard hoola dancer and had lunch at a very retro soda fountain, serving old fashioned hamburgers and onion rings.

I realize how fortunate I am, but I laugh when I think about the weeks leading up to my move a few months ago. I had no idea about anything in Northeast Jersey, only that I didn’t want to live in Bergen County, where in their infinite wisdom, the county government continues to keep shops and theatres closed on Sunday. What the heck are people supposed to do?

Having never spent a day outside of Bergen County I was going to have to find a place to live in about a week. I did plenty of research online, which saved me lots of time for apartment listings, but the big question mark was where were the good areas? I knew I wanted to live somewhere with fast, easy access to Manhattan, either by car or by train (preferablly train), and I wanted to live in a nice middle class or upper-middle class area.

After locating some suitable listings in Essex and Hudson counties, I went first to Jersey City. I’d heard Jersey City was up-and-coming, but boy was I in for a shock. Other than the exclusive high-rises on the waterfront, Jersey City and most of Hudson county was a dump. I was so scared in most neighborhoods that I didn’t even want to stop, and had to leave after an hour of driving around. Some of the less grimey areas could probably be described as "very urban" but I’m as white a white boy can get and I didn’t want to live that close to the ghetto.

After fleeing Jersey City, I came to Essex county, and by comparison, this was a God-send and where I ended up finding my apartment. Infamously, Newark is in Essex county, but is a good 6 miles away from where I live, which is as different as Times Square and the Bronx. I ended up living in Bloomfield, which is a small town next to Montclair, and one of the more charming communities in Northeastern NJ. Here you’ll find antique shops, quaint shops, beautiful parks and trees, great food, and great culture.

But while I admit that I love it here, there’s something about it that feels out of my leauge if only because of the amount of money in Montclair. These are some very exclusive towns around here. I’ve been visiting other areas closer to Central Jersey such as Union, Somerset and Middlesex Counties, and they are nice, although admittedly I need to spend more time looking. I’ve heard that these smaller towns more Southwest of New York are the next desirable suburbs because of their reasonable prices (by our standards) and good living.

I don’t know where I’ll end up yet (as in life), but I’m enjoying it while I’m here. Time will tell, but I’m going to take every advantage of it that I can. Actually, in that vain, I really should get the newspaper, so I can feel more connected. That is the one thing I need to get more of – connectedness with the community. I’m sure there’s a lot going on that I don’t know about. Like I’ve been thinking about joining a theatre or cooking class or something. That would be fun, right?

When my friend Lan came to visit, we had one of the more engaging conversations I’d had in a while. We discussed globalization from opposing viewpoints, and we both kept each other on our toes for the whole time. It was reminiscient of a classic college debate, and I loved every minute of it.

As we were talking it struck me that history and social studies in general is such an integral and important part of our education that I feel it holds too little value to too many people. "Let the past stay in the past!" they say. While I understand that point of view, social studies are undoubtedly the single most important part of becoming politically literate in a modern democracy.

The combination of economics, civics, current events, and world history, informs opinions on a wide range of subjects from socializing public services to foreign policy. Without these social studies we would lack the depth of knowledge to form coherent opinions that are necessary to stave off apathy. Ignorance and oppulance is a deadly combination that has been the downfall of many great societies from the Romans, to the Greeks, and the Ancient Egyptians. And I wouldn’t have been able to say that had I not taken 10th grade Global Studies.

As the saying goes, "Those who do not remember the past are doomed to relive it." and it speaks not only a truth but an urgent truth. We don’t need to wait a hundred years to repeat our mistakes, but only 50… or 30… or 10… As a society of emotional individuals we are sometimes misguided by irrational behavior, and without a thorough understanding of our predecessors’ mistakes we would not be able to guide ourselves from danger and grow as a society.

Knowledge is gained as a society throughout generations as well as at school by individuals. Imagine if we forgot everything we learned every day or week or month. How successful would we be as adults? How empty would we be if we forgot the struggles we had as children or the friends that we had, or our joy of exploration? There’s another great saying that goes "We can not know where we are going, until we know where we have been." We must pull from our experience as children just as we as a country must pull from the experiences from the founding generations, and without remembering those experiences, we will be doomed to remain forever children on the world stage.

We visited the Guggenheim yesterday. It was my best friend Lan’s first time in New York City, and we thought the modern art museum was worth exploring. Getting off the 2 train at 83rd, we walked passed large 10-story brick apartment buildings to museum mile on Central Park West.

As we approached the museum on 86th, the first thing we noticed was its distinctive curves corkscrewing from the street. The building was diminutive, much more so than either of us expected. Next to the mountainesque apartments, the museum looked like an awkward outsider, not the strong proclaimation of modernity that we had imagined.

We walked to the entrance and noticed the patched exterior of the building. Battle scars from the passage of time in the caffinated, double-espresso city. It looked like a glamorous movie star who was finally revealing her age.

As we entered, we immediately noticed the construction. Paying our admission fee, we entered the corkscrew, a ramp taking us to the museums 5 galleries. Rising up the middle was a tall glass panelled mirror hiding the scaffolding of the building’s apparent renovation. The panels formed a square column on one edge of the rotunda. Around the edges of the ramp, bright green rectangles were placed like dominoes just below the hand rails, forming a dizzying neon spiral all the way up to the glass domed roof.

We took the ramp to the main gallery. The poor lighting and exreme humidity made the tour only tolerable. While the mostly abstract paintings were often unintelligble to me at best, occassionally I would see a subject painting with broad strokes and blurred lines that would reduce its subject to its basic colors or emotions and capture my imagination.

Taking a seat, as I waited for my friend to make her rounds, I noticed the upholstery of the seat. Cracking at the seams, the ivory faux leather was warn and sad. The museum was showing its age now both inside and out and I wondered if it was the cause of intense ware or perhaps an absentee landlord who looked away from these signs one too many times. I wondered if the major renovation was an act of desperate catch-up.

We passed quickly through the museum, much larger in our expectation than in reality. And as we exited the building and walked across the street to Central Park, my friend reflected that high expectations are the most likely to disappoint.

What is blogging? Is it really an online journal where we are free to share our deepest, inner-most thoughts to the world? When I created this blog I started it with the simple premise that I would discuss topics of interest to me, and share personal experiences that I felt were pertainant or of some interest to the public. The one big caveat I placed on myself was that I’d stay away from writing about anything sensitive, such as people or work.

While I’ve made some exceptions here and there about the things I’ve chosen to include, I’ve generally stood outside the arena of interpersonal diatribe. As time progressed, the wisdom of this move has become appearent. In a recent news story, a Google employee was fired after writing about his daily work life on his blog. In another incident, Microsoft fired a contractor for placing photos of the Microsoft campus on his personal site.

The real interest in the Google story was that this venerable company that purports social responsibility recently acquired PyraLabs, the owner of Blogger.com, the site that spurred the blogging revolution. Indeed, while the online press debated what the nature of blogs was, Corporate America™ has helped set the tone of what many of us forward-looking bloggers have understood for some time.

Many wondered if Google’s action would drastically alter the nature of the blog, but I think not. The real nature of the blog is somewhere between a newspaper column and a press release page. Just as you wouldn’t expect IBM to say "Senior Executive fired for laziness and arrogance", one also shouldn’t write about how their boss is a jerk, or how much their kids drive them crazy.

The beauty of the blog, much like many innovations in Web publishing before it, is that it allows people a significant voice — a way to comment on life, politics, and hobbies, but these things are not created in a vacuum. Serious bloggers want to share their work with others, not hide it in a dark corner of the Internet.

I, for one, stand by Google’s and Microsoft’s decision. Just as it would be inappropriate for an unsanctioned employee to blast their employee on the radio, the Web is an even more inappropriate medium. One reason is the belief that there is more truth in the written word and another is the archival nature of a blog.

So my advice to the bloggers of the world is, if you wouldn’t want to read it about yourself, then put it in your offline journal or save it for gripe night with your friends down at the neighborhood bar. On the public Web, potentially sensitive blog entries need not apply.

My car broke down on Friday so I had to purchase a new car. Last night I did. I purchased a dark grey (very sexy color) 2004 Toyota Corolla Sport fully loaded with 8000 miles on it. In the words of one famous Irishman, I’m lovin’ it.

What a hectic misadventure this move has been! I couldn’t possibly have chosen a worse weekend to move. Now it’s Monday, and I’m still not sure if Budget is going to be able to start my moving van. Fortunately I didn’t take down my computer the other night.

Originally I got a trailer from U-Haul, but between the massive snow storm this weekend and the fact that the trailer was too big for my car, I now have to move all my stuff in a truck. Joy of joys. The only problem with that is there were no trucks yesterday in all of the Rochester area to go one-way. Appearently, one way trucks and in town trucks are two completely seperate, different and wholly not the same things. Budget finally had a one-way truck, and for less money than U-Haul, but with the 2′ of snow we have on the ground, they’re having trouble starting it. We’ll see.

More information about my new job

Weichert Lead Network

So about this job. Actually a day or two after my Dec. 28th post, I found this interesting job posting on Yahoo! HotJobs for a Web Developer at the Weichert Lead Network, a subsidiary of the Weichert Family of Companies. I applied to the job, and was called within 24 hours (blazing fast speed). After a brief phone interview, I was asked to come down for a face-to-face interview.

I have to admit I was a little nervous, but my resume was good and even though they were going to give me a programming test, I figured I’d do fine. Ironically, I wasn’t even considering working in New Jersey. In fact, I was rather opposed to the idea. However, I guess something about the job struck me as something that sounded up my alley. And whaddyaknow?

So, I show up in Morris Plains, NJ, for the interview and this company, Weichert, the largest privately held real estate company in the nation, has a 3+ building complex in this corporate area surrounded by Intel, Phizer, et al. Very cool. I walk into my division’s building, and they have a big bright office area, with cubicals, and computer screens everywhere. Not wall-to-wall like Nasdaq, but a lot of em. We start our interview promptly…

I dunno, whatever it was, but I think there was definitly a clique that happened between Dave, Joe, and myself. They, a seemingly dynamic duo, have worked together at other companies, and are now calling the techie shots at WLN. Both are younger, in their early 30′s, and clean cut. Both seem friendly. I was caught-off gaurd, cause these guys reminded me more of my college buddies than my would-be bosses.

They were impressed by my experience, and I tried to explain to them that while my work experience may seem a bit far-fetched for someone my age, I could in fact deliver the goods. During the job hunt, I had a little trouble getting calls about my resume I think because when you’re just a resume in a computer, it’s tough to make people understand that while I’m 22 and just graduated college in November, I actually have led 500+ page Web development projects, have been internationally recognized, and worked on almost 40 Web projects.

After talking to me for over an hour, they tried to convince me that I’d do fine on the programming test. I’ve had some curve balls thrown at me in the past, and I was skeptical as to the true difficulty of this exam. Turns out it wasn’t bad. I finished it in around a half hour, and Joe tells me that they’ve been looking for someone for this position for 6 months and I’m one of a small minority of people who could finish the exam. He told me of a guy who kept saying "Yep, almost done." After an hour and a half, he had finished — nothing!.

I wonder. How do people make these seemingly straightforward claims about their skill-sets and not be able to back them up? I mean there were some tricky elements in the test, but they allowed me to use the whole Internet as documentation. I mean com’mon! If you’re going to claim to be an ASP.NET developer, then freaking be able to do the basics.

Anywho, we all parted happily, and I got a few phone calls later on from the vice-president and HR recruiter. They offered me a job. I was seriously hoping that O&R would offer me a job, too, but all I could get out of them was a definite maybe. I figured that after a month of calling people at O&R and trying to prod them into action, if all I could get was a definite maybe, perhaps it would be prudent to take this job. Definite maybes don’t put food on the table as my dad wisely stated.

Weichert kept hammering home that this job would be a lot of hours. In fact, I was told to expect 50-70 hours a week. Not a problem, I don’t mind the hours, I said to them, but I gotta ask for more than my original salary, which had figured a 40-45hr week. I finally managed to negotiate a higher base salary not as high as I hoped, but the V.P. told me to expect a bonus of 10-25% at the end of the year based on corporate and personal performance. After adding up these numbers, I figured putting in the long hours for the next 2 or 3 years wouldn’t be so bad. Hopefully things would calm down there, or I’d be able to be promoted as always seems to be the case.

End of the day, even with a 10% bonus, I’m making very solid money. I’m gunna be living comfortably (read: not lavishly) and going to be able to start my retirement and investment accounts. (401(k)’s are the best, by the way). More importantly I think I’ll enjoy the work and the people, and I think there’s room for growth, which is nice because being a code monkey is not what I have in mind for the next couple years. I’ve worked way too hard for that.

Okay, so I’m gunna cut it off there. I have a great story about my apartment hunt to tell, and also my new lady, Stephanie, whom I’m so lucky to have met, even if at a inopportune time. CIAO!

Wow… in a strange twist of fate I got a job and I’m moving to New Jersey over the next few days so no Internet connection. Since I’m also busy packing, I don’t have much time to tell you about the details, so to keep you busy here are a few links about my job:

• Weichert Lead Network
• Title: Web Developer
• Location: Morris Plains, NJ
• Living in: Bloomfield, NJ
• Information about Bloomfield, NJ
• Distance from Work: 30 Minutes
• Distance from NYC: 30 Minutes

I hope your Christmas was enjoyable! I’ve gone and eaten so much food, the thought of food actually makes my tummy a little upset. Speaking of upset stomachs, I’ve actually got a bit of news: during this joyous holiday season, I’ve had the doubious honor of looking for a new job.

Now I know some of you who have not heard yet will be thinking, "Why is Welch looking for a new job? Didn’t he just incorporate his company?" And a very valid question I might add, my dear reader. I want you firstly to know that I haven’t undertaken this decision lightly, and would like to go over my thoughts with you, that you may understand my reasoning. Not to justify myself, of course, but because as always, writing is therapeutic and is a living history of my daily life, and some day I’d like to laugh at how nuts I really used to be.

I suppose it all started in November. I had been growing more and more optimistic of my impending freedom from schoolwork and business adventure when, as my final project for Principles of Marketing, I decided to do a marketing plan for Signal18. Now this was no 5 page fluff paper. This was, in fact, a 15 page doosy replete with Census data, budget projections, and competitive analysis.

What I discovered at the completion of this paper shook me to the core. And what I found was this: despite years and years in business most of my competetion in Western New York was small-time shops with 10 or 15 people. The thought of being in Rochester for 5 or 10 years and still being a small company, to say the least, woke me up to a stark reality. One that I was not comfortable with.

What had I originally in mind? Well, originally, I had thought that I could grow to a size that would be large enough, with enough clients, that could sustain a solid business in New York City. At that point, we would move the company to New York and grow quickly from there. I realized the improbabilities of moving an established company to a new city so distant and expensive. The likelihood of retaining my staff (and ultimately, my client base) was a long shot.

My dream has always been to fashion something to be the very nearest to perfection that I can accomplish: my small company becoming a big company, a run down apartment building becoming a model of quality. Whatever it be, I want to utterly excel, and on a large scale. The scale is the fun for me. So I realized, if I cannot start the next big company, why not become employeed by a large company and work my way into a position of responsibility and leadership?

Admittedly, in the back of my mind, working for someone else has always held a certain promise. Starting your own company is both an adventure and a great experience. Even managing the varied workload is tolerable. I think the appeal of the established company is that there is already a framework to build off of – to go from big to bigger. I’ve always said I’m like BASF: I make things better.

Additionally, working for someone else affords another opportunity, taking on responsibility at a much faster pace than one could equivalently build within his own company (with few exceptions). While a man can very achievably become a CEO or COO of a $50 billion dollar company within his lifetime, to actually start and then grow a company to that size is a statistical improbability.

The real meat for me is in the large responsibilities. Making something that is working and making it more perfect — that’s what really gets me going. This is why I love interface design so much. How can I help the user have a perfect experience today?

The other non-trivial reason for getting a job is being alone. I work by myself and my friends have or will be graduating soon, and I will become very isolated. While I’ve joined a church and gym and there are myriad other groups I could join, it all boils down to investing my time in setting down roots in a community I basically despise. I’m sorry to use such strong words, but the very thought of living in Rochester with its tepid economy and worse weather is so claustrophobic I can’t adequately describe it in the space I have here.

So I choose to move on. I’ve already entertained phone calls for contract work from Microsoft, a possible opening for Orange & Rockland, the dream of working at Avanade, and an interview on Thursday with the largest realtor in the country. Things are promising, but at the same time, of course it’s unsettling a bit. Where will I be in 3 months? What kind of money will I be making for my first post-collegiate job? All these questions and more remain unanswered, but it certainly adds a sense of adventure.

While I feel as though some may say I lack courage for not seeing my company through, I disagree:

• I’ve started a company.
• My company has broken even and provided a decent wage.
• I’ve developed a solid business plan.
• I’ve hired and managed good employees.
• I’ve hired lawyers and accountants and payroll.
• I’ve landed clients.

In every sense of the word my company has been successful, and to cling onto something that doesn’t make me happy is not courage, but rather a fear of finding what I truly want out of life. I’ve learned, I’ve grown, and I’m a better professional — and person — for it. I regret nothing. I think my courage is in not being afraid to let go, and facing the uncertainty of changing my life around with the thought that I will be happier down the way.

I’m going to be posting a series of articles on "The Techie Job Hunt" which will be a series on how to find a job as a technical professional. I hope it is at least interesting to you.

I’d like to finish up with some very random stuff…I’m going to see Lan in New York in January, which, for those who know, is a very big and exciting deal. I absolutely cannot wait to see her. Additionally, Christmas was great. I got the microwave and santoku that I’ve wanted for some time. And finally, my friend Will and I are throwing a kickin’ New Year’s party in Rochester for those who want to come, let me know.

I don’t know what about Christmas makes me feel the warmest. I think it’s probably a toss-up between 24×7 Christmas cheer on the radio and the endless shopping traffic. Oh, nothing reminds me of Christmas cheer like getting elbowed in the gut by Grandma Moses while we all race for the latest Playstation game.

Cynicism aside, though, Christmas is a wonderful time of the year, no doubt about it. Getting out there and thinking about the people closest to you is remarkably refreshing. Sorta gives you warm fuzzies.

Fortunately, this year, I had this wonderful epiphany, and today nearly all my gift shopping is done (not to mention finding a few gifts from Santa to me!). The only pesky one left is my friend Matt. Talk about a pain. Here’s a guy who buys everything he wants when he wants it, which leaves me remarkably little to shop for.

Aside from being exceedingly picky, our taste over the years has drifted apart. Which leaves me worrying about getting regifted. Last year, I spent over a week shopping specifically for him, and had to give up cause that dreaded 25th snuck up on me. I ended up taking him out to dinner.

Of course, the trick with people like that who have everything they want but are picky is that you have to find something clever that they would like but would never think to buy. Easier said than done, I say. Maybe the real answer is to get them a few sessions of personality retraining to make them "more open to new experiences." They’d probably never expect that under their tree.